Internship Journal #4

The final cover for A Veil of Shattered Dreams.
Cover photo and design by Danielle Gesford.

This week, in my internship journal,  I'd like to discuss a few things that have been on my mind for the past few days concerning the different things that I have been working on. These past few weeks I feel I have been most in touch with my novel, A Veil of Shattered Dreams, the one that I am working on for my internship. What seems so strange to me is that in my wildest dreams, I never saw this kind of story escape from me, it is definitely different than anything else that I have ever written and definitely the most difficult.

I think that putting out my cover and realizing the amount of time that I have left to put this novel together has really put the pressure on me to get my writing done. I think that after I finish this story, it may be awhile before I write again. The decision to publish is also something that I have struggled with immensely this week. I never thought that I would publish something like this, especially not in college, my of my writings are for my enjoyment or shorter works that are not ready for publication. However,                 as much as I want to publish it, I want everyone to know that this was never a money making endeavor. Writing is something that I love and something that I want to share with everyone. Reading and the gift of reading is something that I don't believe should be denied to anyone. It is my love of reading, even over writing that propels me to editing and publishing. A belief I hope to retain while I continue even past internship. Secondly, as much as I love the story and the characters, I am no acclaimed author, anything that someone reads from me, published while I am in school, is I think student work. Unless someone sees something in it that I do not see myself.
What I also recognize is the fear that I have in exposing so much of work and writing for everyone to see. It is difficult to have people not only judge your work, but judge you as the author of the work. It should not matter if others like it, I know, as long as I like it. But, if writing has been the one thing that people have anticipated from you, then you do not want to let those people down.

As I start my fifth chapter ( now half-way through) I take these thoughts with me, and I only hope that I can influence my own writing so that I give myself and others the story that they (/I) expect.